Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Um...Naked Lady in the Hot Tub

I walk in. I see her, and it doesn't look good. Whether she's young or old, skinny or wrinkled, it's a lot of skin and I'm uncomfortable. She could be Heidi Klum. It doesn't matter. All that matters is she's naked and in my health club hot tub. She's got hair and skin and there's community water involved!

Now we've all been there, but it's how we react that has me puzzled. Are you one to bolt at the first sign of nipple? Do you suddenly feel the need to pee and sulk away to the toilet stall? Or do you smile and climb in with your swimsuit still on? All of these reactions are common and acceptable, and I am practiced at each of them, yet I wonder why one of my reaction scenarios isn't to drop my top and soak it with the nudists. I mean, what would happen if I, God forbid, actually had the courage to join in? God's vengeance really could strike me down, I guess, or I could get my in the buff bum laughed out of the locker room.

But I think it's the second scenario that has me worried, and I am not alone. According to Cosmopolitan.com "tons of American women are bummed about how they look nude. A recent Psychology Today survey shows that 56 percent of women are dissatisfied with their bodies."

So tell me, please, tell me. What do I need to do to soak in the nude? Don't get me wrong ... I don't want to "actually" get naked. What I want is to be like the naked lady that doesn't care that she's naked! That doesn't care at all what people think. It's the "not" caring I care about. Do I need to give birth in order to shed the suffocating layer of modesty? Do I need to take my size 10 frame down to a size two...one...zero? Somehow, I don't think that's it. But someday I'll find the yellow brick road to self assurance, and you'll see me, and then you'll be the one sayin "Um...naked lady in the hot tub."

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